The Big Day Out - DBZ Style
by Cabbitshivers
Summary: The DBZ Senshi are forced into preforming a concert for Shenlong by the horrifying threat of an omnipotent Dende and the mass production of a terrifying Saiya-jin-proof kitchen appliance.
1. A Loud Introduction

Bardock Muse: Cabbit disclaims everything! Well, everything that belongs to someone else anyway! Which is… **Counts off his fingers** Dragonball, Dragonball Z and Dragonball GT, Blue Submarine No.6, my red headband, and the gaudy abusive curtains.  
  
Cabbitshivers: Yep!  
  
  
  
~=A LOUD INTRODUCTION=~  
  
  
  
A loud, high-pitched squealing followed by three booming explosions that rattle eardrums halfway to New Namek echoes stereophonically in the arena as the small, slender boy taps the head of the microphone anxiously.  
  
"Is this damn thing on?"  
  
A small "Watch your language, young man!" is faintly heard from backstage.  
  
"Ahh, guess so." The boy quickly blushes and scratches at an imaginary itch somewhere in the mass of his dark hair. "Eh. Gomen, haha."  
  
"Go-chan, is that loud enough?" Someone yells from somewhere behind the curtains.  
  
The small dark mop of hair turns towards the huge billowy curtains glaring a garishly abusive shade of red to his right, and nods his head.  
  
"Hai, 'tousan! Mebbe just a little louder to make sure that they can hear us good?"  
  
"Kay!"  
  
Somewhere backstage a small man with gravity-defying hair restrains a groan of annoyance at the imbecile in charge of the sound system.  
  
"Damn baka."  
  
"Veggie-chan! Watch your language!" A slender woman with aquamarine hair snaps. "The chibi's are here!"  
  
The Saiya-jin no Ouji struggles to restrain another 'inappropriate' word from escaping his lips and reaching the ears of the two brats playing Jedi with the giant banana props in the girls dressing room. He scowls as the laughter from the boy onstage echoes giddily through the speaker system.  
  
"Shut up, brat!" He bellows.  
  
"Hai, Vegeta-sama!" The older brat giggles. Suddenly, without warning, the boy's laughter becomes unbearably loud before being sliced through by an excruciating screaming through the system that instantly reminds everyone of the time that Bulma caught Mirai Trunks with the squirrels in the Son's oak tree. The building starts to shake as the boy onstage squeals and drops the microphone he has been holding in his hands, falling to the floor and attempting to stuff his fingers into his ears as best as possible.  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Shut it off! Shut it off!"  
  
Engulfed in laughter directed at the bezerking boy onstage, the Saiya-jin no Ouji is unaware as a large lump of plaster, shaken loose by the storming vibrations, drops unnoticed from the ceiling and falls gracefully beside him, throwing up dust and turning the revered Prince's hair a brilliant white. The plaster is instantly followed by a sandbag, which lands squarely on his head.  
  
"Kuso."  
  
"VEGETA!!!"  
  
"BAKA WOMAN!!!"  
  
By now the squealing has stopped and the slender boy is slowly and carefully trying to remove his fingers from his ears without pulling his eardrums along with them.  
  
"Tousan!" The small boy bellows once he's gotten to his feet. "Not THAT loud!"  
  
"Gomen, Go-chan!" An apologetic voice calls back from behind the rude curtain. "Finger slipped!"  
  
The sigh from the boy's lips reverberates around the arena with a seemingly infinite number of echoes. "Saaa, dad. 'S okay."  
  
There are a number of inaudible mumbles from various locations backstage.  
  
"Oi, brat! Get on with it!" The gruff voice of Vegeta demands suddenly. His imperious tone is in no way disguising his impatience.  
  
"But… You're not ready yet!"  
  
"So?"  
  
The boy restrains another sigh. "Gomen, ne, Vegeta-sama, but I ain't gonna start until everyone's ready, okaaay?"  
  
It's apparent to anyone watching or listening, and even to all of those backstage preparing their acts and trying to think of new ingenious ways of killing themselves without leaving too much of a mess, that the Kaka-brat numero uno is beginning to become annoyed. And they all know that annoyance isn't a good thing in the Son family. It's a very abnormal occurrence and when it descends upon the ordained Son it's rather vicious in its rarity. The last time this particular Son in question became annoyed he blew up the all-you-can-eat sushi bar the annual reunion was being held at. Then, because he felt like it, he flew around and destroyed all the other sushi bars and all-you-can-eat buffets in West Kong. His father hadn't been very happy.  
  
A snide grunt is all the boy receives from the ever-growing impatient Saiya- jin no Ouji. He hadn't been very happy either.  
  
Stooping to pick up the microphone on the stage floor, he slips it back into the plastic grasp of the aluminium stand at the front of the stage and turns back to face the curtains.  
  
"So why are we doing this again?" He asks, curiosity clear in his voice.  
  
"Easy." The slightly nasal voice of a stunted ex-monk replies, muffled through the thick cloth of the curtains. "Shenlong says if we don't, he's going to give Dende unlimited power."  
  
"And that's a bad thing?" The eldest Son asks, playing around with the lighting equipment while waiting for the show to get started. He becomes suddenly fascinated with the way he can take the yellow light and the blue light, and by focusing them on one place – namely, his son – he could turn him green. He mucks around with this for a while, turning his son purple, orange, a bright electric blue, then finally pink before a quick elbow from the stunted ex-monk sends him back to his own buttons and dials.  
  
"Are you kidding?!?" The short man half squeals, half bellows, his eyes wide with the scepticism of the brand new bout of naivety his best friend was displaying. "Haven't you been reading all these 'Bring Your Otousan To School Day' and 'Vegeta Goes To School' and 'Z-Senshi Substitute Teachers'* fics going around lately?" He rolls his eyes. "With all these authors getting the same ideas and Dende being an internet psycho there's no way he's not gonna wanna try out all those little tricks!"  
  
"What? Like giving me an Inner Krillin**?" The slender boy onstage questions. "That sounded like fun."  
  
"No!" A harsh voice suddenly screams. "I will not be made into a fairy!"  
  
Krillin rolls his eyes again. "No one said you were going to be turned into a fairy, Vegeta."  
  
"But then again…" The boy continues in a small voice, beginning to visibly tremble. "In those fics they do mean things to me… Like-like… making me and Videl DO stuff." He shudders suddenly, his voice growing louder. "An'-and do MORE stuff. And mom screams a lot. And dad eats a kid by accident… and Vegeta blows up Mr. Satan and tells everyone that I killed Cell and all the Trunks's come back and there's too many things going on and everyone's Supaa Saiya-jin and I go nuts and kill people!!!!!"  
  
The silence is rather frightening for the poor ningen's hiding backstage. Especially when all they can hear is the boy's rapid panting through the sound system.  
  
"Actually," Comments the boy, his voice back to normal, and his thumb stroking his chin in an intrigued manner. "That sounds like a lot of fun."  
  
**Sweatdrop**  
  
"Only YOU would think that." Grumbles a green man hanging upside down from the ladders above the lights, a roll of electrical tape on his wrist like a giant oversized bracelet from an 80's memento store. "I don't even want to think what Dende would do to me. Especially after what I told a certain friend of mine about that little T.V him and Mr. Popo have."***  
  
A loud snigger works its way from one side of the stage to the other. They all know about that so-called 'little' T.V.  
  
"So, are we gonna do this?" Goku asks.  
  
"I will NOT allow myself to be made into a fairy!!!" A loud, obnoxious voice bellows.  
  
"I take it that's a 'Yes'."  
  
"YES!!!"  
  
Goku restrains rolling his eyes at Vegeta, knowing that the Prince will probably scream 'Frypan!' or 'Needle!' just to embarrass him and make him cower so that he can feel all high-and-mighty again and get a re-boost for his ego-meter. And then they'd start a fight, and he and Vegeta would unintentionally blow up the arena as per usual, and then Shenlong would get real mad and make Dende all-powerful in revenge and then Chi-Chi's Frypan of Terror would be mass-produced by Hitachi+ and marketed world-wide and no Saiya-jin would ever be safe again!  
  
Goku begins to tremble visibly.  
  
Someone really didn't love him.  
  
"Goku?" A hesitant voice questions. "Ah, Goku? Chik-yuu to Son Goku!"  
  
Goku blinks. He stares at the concerned Krillin for a moment, then screams and runs back over to the smaller man's lighting equipment.  
  
"Hurry up, guys! Gotta get this started before Shenlong gets annoyed!" He calls over his shoulder to the perplexed concourse. "We don't want the Eternal Dragon to get angry, now, do we? Noooo-siree. We wouldn't want that at all!" He starts punching buttons, flicking off the arena lights and splashing blue/white light across the stage and its population as he jabs on the main spotlights with a growl of annoyance. Zanzokening back to the sound area he looks over and spies the group that hasn't moved since he started speaking. "Well hurry up!" He bellows. "What are you waiting for? The contract agreement on Chi-Chi's Frying Pan to arrive? PLACES!!!"  
  
The stage is suddenly vacated of all presences save one.  
  
"Gohan! Where are you supposed to be?"  
  
The slender boy fidgets for a moment, unused to his father being so… well… loud. "Uhhh…"  
  
"Gohan?"  
  
"Um… Here, dad." He replies. "I'm introducing, remember?"  
  
"What? Oh, yeah." The eldest Son laughs. "Uh, sorry about that. I didn't mean to yell at you."  
  
The boy shrugs. "Meh."  
  
"Are we going to get on with this embarrassing charade or not!" Vegeta roars from backstage.  
  
"Shut up, Vegeta!" A woman bellows.  
  
"Make me, onna!" The Saiya-jin Prince screams back.  
  
They are interrupted by a sudden explosion that rocks the arena, shuddering the stage beneath them and causing it to rain plaster on more than one or two heads.  
  
"Kuso!"  
  
"VEGETA!"  
  
With a loud 'BOOM' as if the heavens have opened up - which they probably have – and a rattling of the stage lights overhead, a huge, swollen gold cloud rolls into mass before the stage. Golden slashes of light streak through its accumulation, throwing their collective light in piercing streams across the curtains and arched walls. The clouds solidify, folding upon themselves, and with a final flash of white light, evaporate entirely to expose the great coiled omnipotence slouching lazily over twenty-three rows of seats.  
  
Two gleaming red eyes stare daggers at the small boy standing dwarfed in the centre of the immense stage, illuminated by the two spotlights his father had seen fit to train upon him before ordering the stage vacated.  
  
"Um…" The slender boy starts, fidgeting. "Hi?"  
  
  
  
---------  
  
  
  
*Not genuine fic names intentionally, peoples. You know Krillin never gets anything right.  
  
** Inner Krillin belongs to….. Frozenflower, I believe. ("Bring Your Father to School Day" Story I.D = 672445)  
  
*** Certain Friend is me! Details in the Interviews at www.dreamwater.net/abiogenesis/I.html  
  
+ Very Sucky Motor! ^-^  
  
  
  
Vegeta Muse: So what in Hell's name was the point to this particular chapter?  
  
Cabbitshivers: If you had been paying attention, Veggie-chan, you'd have realized that it's an introduction. There's not SUPPOSED to be a point.  
  
Vegeta Muse: Isn't your baka mate supposed to be introducing?  
  
Cabbitshivers: Yes.  
  
Vegeta Muse: …  
  
Cabbitshivers: …  
  
Vegeta Muse: So why isn't he?  
  
Cabbitshivers: 'Coz it's in the next chapter.  
  
Vegeta Muse: **Sweatdrops**  
  
Cabbitshivers: …  
  
Vegeta Muse: So why have you named this chapter the introduction?  
  
Cabbitshivers: 'Coz it's the introduction to the fic, not to Shenlong!  
  
Vegeta Muse: O.o  
  
Cabbitshivers: Honestly, Vegeta. Do I have to explain everything?  
  
Bardock Muse: Hai. Members of the Royal family tend to be a little slow when it comes to emotional matters.  
  
Cabbitshivers: You say I'm being emotional? **Glares at Bardock**  
  
Bardock Muse: Ahh, no! **Sweatdrops and rapidly changes the subject** Didn't you think it was funny when Yoda beat up Count Dooku?  
  
Cabbitshivers: **Sweatdrops**  
  
Vegeta Muse: …  
  
Cabbitshivers: O.o  
  
Bardock Muse: I wonder what song my grandson's going to sing… 


	2. The Holy Lunch

-- --

THE HOLY LUNCH

"Umm…" The slender boy starts, fidgeting. "Hi?"

He gifts the Dragon with a small wave.

"**HI**." Chik-yuu's Eternal Dragon rumbles back. He doesn't sound very enthusiastic, and Gohan begins to wonder just why he let his father's friends talk him into voicing the introductions. The words he was made to memorize have for some reason become lost somewhere around the region of his lower throat and are refusing to budge. He can't even remember the first word.

Dark scales send brilliant splashes of emerald dancing around the room as the Dragon shifts impatiently. A low, growl-like rumble fills the arena.

"Pssst!" Someone hisses from off-stage. "Get a move on, Gohan!"

Gohan's brow breaks out in sweat. He doesn't have a clue where to start. It's easy for them to tell him to hurry up – they're not the one's who are in Shenlong's direct line of sight. Suddenly, he gets an idea. It's real corny, and decidedly dismal, but it might just work. Maybe. If he's lucky. And Shenlong decides not to make him into a Ginyu Force recruit, first.

/Here goes nothing!/

With a great clearing of his throat that echoes like thunder in the sort-of full arena (full of Dragon that is), he assumes a fighting stance and makes a grab for the microphone, tearing it from the plastic grasp of the stand. Plastering an unbelievably bright smile across his face, he takes a deep breath… and opens his mouth… while Shenlong starts to have second thoughts about the concert under that worryingly brilliant smile.

The great Eternal Dragon tenses as the slender boy on the stage flashes him an unexpected wink… sucks in a breath as the boy's head tilts back… his eyes close… The Dragon starts to feel just a little bit sick… something is wrong… Diaphragm muscles clench, preparing to force the air out of a pair of young lungs…and…

"-LET'S GET READY TO RRRRRUUUUUUUMBLE!!"

… Shenlong would've fallen over if it weren't for the fact that he was already sprawled on half of the chairs in the arena.

"Hey! And welcome to the Z Senshi's Big Day Out concert!" The boy cries through the giant smile, half striding and half bouncing across the stage in his (Shenlong suspects, but isn't quite sure on) feigned exuberance. The Dragon then decides - as the boy throws another potent game show grin at him - that it is in fact, rather frightening in its apparent sincerity.

"We apologize for the delays, but my scriptwriter sucks, so after the show I'm going to bring him1 out and beat him to publicly atone for making you wait!" Gohan stops his pacing and stands in the centre of the stage, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He then leans forward at the waist, and keeping the same volume to his voice but lowering the tone, he continues on as if confiding in the audience of one a veeeeery interesting secret…

"Though we are being made to do this out of a fear of small malicious green things with personal vendetta's against each of us that equal the wrath of my Mum's Frypan of Pain and Suffering…it really isn't any excuse, is it? No, didn't think so. ANYWAY…!" He continues, his tone now bouncing back up to normal. "Today we're going to be preforming to you a great number of popular songs that have, of course, been slightly altered to suit our purposes. So, in order to keep us and our…um…audience? Sponsors? Guys-that-are-holding-us-hostage? From being sued, we hereby disclaim everything that does not have our name(s) on it!"2

From behind him Gohan can now hear the mad chattering of his fellow hostages as they break free of the shock that had snapped them up when he first began his adlibbed and impromptu speech. He vaguely hears Vegeta mutter something about Chinese neck-ties from behind the curtain, and decides that maybe now would be the time to introduce the first song.

"So, to carry on with our programme – which we had little or how about NO sponsorship money to actually have printed for you, so if you'll kindly look to your napkin for the times of performances - it's time to introduce the first song of the evening!" Gohan flashes another grin at the sweat-dropping Eternal Dragon and silently wracks his brain for the name of the song that was cued up to play. /What was it? Something to do with. . . peroxide!/

Grinning broadly, Gohan almost cackles with glee in anticipation. "Originally preformed by The Bloodhound Gang, tonight the modified version of The Bad Touch will be preformed by Prince Vegeta Vegeta, and the son of a third-class baka stronger than him – ME!" Gohan finally allows himself to laugh. "The special effects are real, people, so please don't touch! Now, onwards with the show!"

Quickly slipping the microphone back into the clip on its stand, Gohan darts back behind the closed curtain where he's met with a very dark and angry glare from a white-haired, black-clad Prince of Saiya-jin's, who spares a second to snarl at him before tearing off the demi-Saiya-jin's long coat and handing him a microphone headset.

"You're dead, you little bastard." He growls, patting his head to futilely remove the plaster caking his hair.

"VEGETA!!"

"ONNA!" Vegeta cringes, starting to wonder if his earthling mate has psychic abilities… but the sudden flashing of lights and crackling sound of a silent record playing fills the arena. The curtains open on him while he's still trying to pat out all the plaster, but he yanks his hand down as soon as he catches a glimpse of the Eternal Dragon hogging all the seats. He feels the sudden urge to swear a lot.

The song doesn't give him time to, however.

Striding forward, he and the brat make for the front of the stage, the bulk of their muscles and the trimness of their waists more than apparent by the cut and tightness of the sleeveless black bodysuits Bulma had handed to them for the act. Vegeta taps his mike gently to make sure it's working, then curves his lips up into a sneer and grins down at the intrigued-looking Shenlong who's to blame for making him participate in such a stupid production.

"Mwahahahaha! Well, now…" He laughs, baring his canines. "This is the rhythm of battle. But, there are several other very important techniques and attacks that you should know about before I kill you."

Immediately the bass starts up, the drum beats pounding through the system and vibrating the stage beneath their feet. With no hesitation, both Saiya-jin's begin to incline their heads in time with the pumping of the bass, Gohan with his arms akimbo, and Vegeta with his crossed over his chest. Vegeta watches out of the corner of his eye as the brat leans forwards slightly, a very Saiya-jin like grin on his lips, and whispers;

"Any volunteers?"

The music suddenly louder, both performers begin to dance, inclining their bodies in time to the vibrations beneath their feet. Being the first one to sing, Vegeta makes a challenging step forwards, tilting his head back slightly and grinning even wider at the Dragon watching them closely. He's going to love singing this song…

"Sweat, baby, sweat, baby - work those bulging tri's

-Clops and I know that **TAIYOKEN**! helps mimes with sucking lollypops."

The sudden bright flashing of the forenamed attack unexpectedly blinds the great Eternal Dragon who is totally unprepared for the song's special effects – or the words.

"HEY!" Shouts a suddenly irate Tenshinhan from somewhere backstage.

Vegeta continues on, completely unperturbed, through his grin growing even wider.

"Don't put your hands down my pants - you'll lose more than points

Yes - I'm a Prince and you're a Queen - you won't have time to roll a joint!"

Gohan grins as equally feral as he moves up to stand beside Vegeta, waving his arms in a beckoning manner as he sings his part of the verse.

"So com'on hit me, if you can! You're far too slow use ** ZANZOKEN**!"

The boy suddenly appears on the tip of Shenlong's tail.

"If that don't work try **KAIOKEN x10**! - **TENKUBEKEJIKEN**!!" Gohan shouts as he leaps high into the air, a burning pink aura suddenly flaring around him as he spins direction up in the air and heads downwards, face-first towards the floor, with his arms held in an 'X' shape before his face. Landing on his crossed arms, the boy flips forwards and continues to sing.

"I'm quicker than your ex with your express card in Gucci, Armani and Bloomingdale's.

Ya wanna use **KIENZAN**! but ya know you're gonna fail!" He bellows, shooting the destructo disk at Vegeta who easily ducks and…

"Blow it up!" The boy cries.

Both Vegeta and Gohan grin before starting in on the chorus, powering up and blasting furiously into Super Saiya-jin.

"Super Saiyan, baby, ain't nothin' but peroxide

So let's blow up all them losers with Perfect Cell's **GENOCIDE**!"

Suddenly, running onto the stage, come both Trunks and Goten, dressed up as two of Cell's blue children and immediately they begin to fly at and pull the hair of both Vegeta and Gohan.

"Smash it all!" Vegeta sings, swatting at a blue and black Goten.

"Him and me, baby - we are the Super Saiyan's

So ya better get down on ya knees and practise ya prayin'"

So sang, the two little 'Cell's' fall down to their knees and begin to make mocking bowing gestures.

"Yeah, bend over!" Gohan chortles.

Immediately all eyes on the stage turn to him, varying degrees of shock and surprise in each.

"What?" The boy asks, shrugging. "I didn't write it."

Vegeta stares at him before raising his shoulders in an echoing shrug. "Forget it, brat. Just sing." He tells him as the two Cells begin to run amok again.

"**KAMEHAMEHA**!" Gohan yells, shooting the blast at one of the misbehaving Cell Juniors.

"– A ki blast that makes you a crispy chicken.

Like **MAFUBA**, I'll put ya in a beancan, baby – stop your heart from tickin'.

** GENKIDAMA**? I know you really wanna tear out my still beating heart.

But just know that I can kick your ass with a thought and tear your body apart!"

Gohan backs off from the front a little and Vegeta is there to immediately take his place, arrogant smirk fixed firmly on his lips.

"So if I use **FUSION** – you're rendered with confusion." Behind him and Gohan there's a sudden flash of light following a muffled 'Fusion-ha!' And there's revealed to be now only one very strangely dressed Cell Junior.

"Ha-ha! You are really screwed!" Vegeta sings.

"Now my power's twice as great and there's no way that you can't lose!

So show me fear – I'll show you death. Impressed? **GALICK HO** – here we go!"

The extremely bright violet light that flares up from Vegeta's hands causes the Eternal Dragon to shift very nervously on his seats. He knows exactly how dangerous that technique is in the hands of someone as emotionally imbalanced as the man singing and chortling in front of him.

"And then you're off to Enmadaiou-samma, sayonara, bro!!"

"Blow it up!" Gohan shouts, then they restart the chorus together.

"Super Saiyan, baby, ain't nothin' but peroxide

So let's blow up all them losers with Perfect Cell's **GENOCIDE**!"

"Smash it all!" Vegeta shouts, avoiding another rebound blast that the mini-Cell shot at Gohan.

"Him and me, baby – we are the Super Saiyan's

So ya better get down on ya knees and practise your prayin'"

"Should I kill you now?" Gohan asks.

When the trumpets start blaring Gohan and Vegeta back away from the stage a little, still Super Saiya-jin and still dancing, dodging side to side as blasts and kicks from the fused Cell Juniors come their way.

"Super Saiyan, baby, ain't nothin' but peroxide

So let's blow up all them losers with Perfect Cell's **GENOCIDE**!"

"Smash it all!"

"Him and me, baby – we are the Super Saiyan's

So ya better get down on ya knees and practise your prayin'"

"How's the heat?" Gohan whispers.

"Super Saiyan, baby, ain't nothin' but peroxide

So let's blow up all them losers with Perfect Cell's **GENOCIDE**!"

"Smash it all!"

"Him and me, baby – we are the Super Saiyan's

So ya better get down on ya knees and practise your prayin'"

"Weeeee!" The fused Cell Junior shouts in a disturbing two-tone voice that sounds very menacing indeed, considering it's coming from a very small, funny-haired kid dressed up in a blue Cell costume. There's a sudden volley of explosions, bright blasts and vibrant power-ups that engulf most of the stage as the fused mini-Cell's launch across towards the Super Saiya-jin's, one final large explosion engulfing the entire stage just before he can reach them, then the arena goes silent, and dark.

Very dark.

Shenlong Sweatdrops. After that first performance he feels that he might just need to call for back-up after all.

-- -- -- -- --

1 Scriptwriter will be my alter-ego. I've gender-swapped for this fic, that I have.

2 Effectual disclaimer, ya think? I'm essentially preventing myself from suing myself. LoL.

Cabbitshivers: So…what did ya think? The song an OK ripper?

Vegeta Muse: It was fine.

Gohan: You just liked blowing things up.

Cabbitshivers: Pets Gohan's hair

Vegeta Muse: Don't avoid the question, brat. You enjoyed the song, too.

Gohan: blushing Y-yeah…

Cabbitshivers: Grins SCORE!

Shinji Temporary Muse: The clothes were cool, too. They're better than what she makes me wear, anyway.

Gohan: What's that?

Shinji Temporary Muse: Blushing Popcorn and Kaoru.

Hayami Muse: Ghn… time to… ahhh… Next Chapter!

Cabbitshivers: In two weeks.

Vegeta Muse: Wearing something that looks suspiciously like a pout You waste time dilly-dallying, woman. Finish this fic already and end the humility!


End file.
